scar

i always liked the rain...i wanted every drop to consume me and my soul...it gives me peace of mind and some time to reflect...that is until now..

i suddenly felt lost and drowning..i just can't breathe. so many thoughts consume my mind that i didn't know what to think of first. it seems like every raindrop contains an emotion i just can't handle. some parts of me wanted to feel numb..some of it wanted to cry..some wanted to scream..looking at the dark sky is like looking at the horizon waiting to swallow me whole.and i feel so helpless.the whistling wind sound like its laughing at me..

the pouring rain and rain clouds scares me now...i ran out of sanity and i just feel so alone. i need to find a place  where i can shout these fear, these heavy emotion the rain brings me..

then i look back, i saw a blurry scene..then i remembered what made me felt this way...it was an awful sight..it was hell...not worth remembering...i hope i could just snap my fingers or close my eyes after which everything will be back to how it is then...

from this day on i will always have a scarred vision of rain...a heavy heart...and i think im no longer sane...

looking back, wanted it back

i was reading dan brown's deception point when i heard mom scream bama's name. i jumped hurriedly to see what's happening. there i saw bama lying down, lifeless. I was in awe and disbelief. He was well aminute ago then there he was with everything but life. Tears came pouring as i tried reviving him. his pupils are dilated and oral mucosa cyanotic, that moment, i hated being a nurse, i knew then he left us, without even bidding goodbye. 


he stays beside the refrigerator and sleeps at the top of the washing machine. now, i can't look at those two house spots for i'll surely shed tears. he'll always be the first to climb up the gate when we arrive and the last one to glimpse every time we're leaving. now i can't seem to leave the house for i'll surely miss his stares and loving reception. when taking a bath, he turns his head towards dad or my sister, seeking assurance he'll be safe and secured, now, i don't know how we'll be able to resume their bath schedules for we might bath the dogs with tears. everything is in static. 


we use to compose songs for our dogs and sing our hearts out while they listen...he got the most songs by the way. it will be a while before i hear dad dog-sing again. did i mention he can talk too?yes he does bark and he makes this unusual sound "ók-ok-ok-ok", i will miss his voice...


i named him after obama, knowing the president named his dog "beau" or something like that. i took revenge and named this little pup, "bama-o", sometimes, bamz, madz as how tatay jo would call him.just recently we called him manong bamz, for a new commer, beeboy arrived. 


he's the cottonball. when they were still pupz, he has this fluffy white furcoat. he looks regal but mostly cuddly. you could not resist putting him in your lap and play with him all day. growing up, he was handsome. he was prettyboy actually, and everyone agrees when we say that. we'll miss his fur, his coat, his eyes, his tail..we'll miss him. 


tonight's dreadful, everyone is in denial, in grief. if only i could save him, i would. i'm worried for dad, bama is special to him, his favorite, his buddy, his son. He's bursting out tears like i've never seen before, he's in pain. i would do anything just to ease that. i want bama here again, breathing, barking, licking our faces, playing with his bro peytrick, here, with us. my sister's the same, she's depressed and unable to cope. i pray bama will help us go through this. from the heavens, i hope he'll give us peace of mind, help us accept he's with God already.


our lives will never be the same again.  every night, i think i'll sulk and cry thinking he should still be here with us. if this is a dream, then i would want to wake up now. his loss is hell. i really don't handle losses very well. it'll take forever before i can really say goodbye. 


bamz, you know how much ate bo loves you, and how much dad, mum and iss love you. we're hurting 'coz you never get to say goodbye, you were well and later i'm burying you, and you're forever gone. just wanna say we'll miss you bamz, and never will we forget you. bless us from where you are, and always remember our hearts will continue to beat the love we have for you...

terminal

Years have passed and still I wait for the boat of love to conquer the waves of romance and reach me. I sometimes fear that it may have been long gone and moved on, and missed the island where i lay upon. Yet faith overcame the doubt and yes, I believe that it might have just been on detour and soon it'll reach my shores. 

sentiments...

When my 60 seconds came around i realized i had everything i ever wanted... but nothing i really needed. and i think what i need is here. and i came all this way to see if you maybe think so too...


May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you.