B,
to say "loving you is easy" seems to be the most pretentious words i can ever utter.
but that is the only way for me not to feel empty and alone, especially that we are complicated.
how i wish things were different, for things to be a lot easier.
where i need not pretend and i need not to feel in hiding.
i can only pray that i may be able to hold this thought, contain this feeling and pursue life a little less complex.
i need you but someone else needed you more, i want you but i could not have you, i love you but i shouldn't.
i knew that from the very start, and i shouldn't have thought of falling in love with you in the first place.
i know it was wrong, however loving you never felt that way.
i was glad, i was excited, i was me, for the very first time, a happy me.
but then at the back of my mind i knew the truth would sting my heart and that's where this stupid pain's coming from.
i guess that's natural, to be jealous, to feel secondary, but no pressure, i handle things quite great.
all i'm asking is for you to hold on, and never to leave me.
i love you but i can't shout it, i can only whisper it in your ears and mine.
it can never be enough but i can be contented with it, as long as you felt how i do and you're happy as i am.
yes loving you is never easy.
restricted, limited, suppressed, forbidden, that's us.
but that's better than not being together, than not having you, than not loving you.
selfish you'll think i am but i could not fathom a world not showing you what i felt.
indeed, to say "loving you is easy" would be the most pretentious phrase i can utter, but then, when i begin to feel and show it, its the single most truthful move my heart has ever felt.
and i would never ever regret this, i'll be forever grateful in fact, that once in my life, i knew what the words "i love you" did mean...
-B
